Exciting and Disappointing all in one.

Woke up today to receive the letter from our doctors referring us on to a Sub Fertility Clinic. Was able to go online and make the appointment myself to meet with them at the end of November. G and I both have to go along . Exciting. 

Made the decision to call one of the London Boroughs that I have been looking at online, to discuss the adoption process and get some ideas.  Enquired about how my weight would affect our chances and the response was fairly positive. That it may effect the outcome, that it would be determined by a medical, if everything else was okay it may be good. Very exciting as I don't have any other medical problems other than my PCOS. Went through some of our history with the social worker on the call, where we live, number of spare bedrooms, the fact we have only been married nearly 6 months and together nearly 2 and half years, all fairly positive. The fact that G is of caribean descent, and myself white british, and her reaction was "you would be most sought after!!" Yippee Bingo!!! Ding Ding Ding!!! Jackpot!!! Discussed why we are enquiring now.. told her we are in process of giving this serious thought and taking time to do this, told her my PCOS has always made me think it wouldnt naturally happen for us, that I have always wanted to adopt etc. She asked me if we had finished with any appointments or attempts and told her truthfully that we have just been referred. She told me that we must wait a year until we could apply from the time that we give up medically trying. Disappointed is an understatement. I've never really thought I could naturally get pregnant, but felt that we had to at least speak to someone in the fertility sector to see what they said. The fact that we have even looked into it means that we have to wait a year! A whole year before we even apply.... then the year plus to adopt.. it's looking further and further away. 

Now I just feel like it's so far away and unreachable for us to have our family. G is 37, I'm 34. It seems unfair that even speaking with someone puts us about our chances naturally puts us in that grouping of not being ready to adopt, when the reality is that I more or less gave up hope a long time ago, and I don't view adoption as a second choice. 

From China With Love

I was recently recomended a book by a fellow Blogger. The book "From China With Love" by Emily Buchanan is the story of an English couple and their adoption journeys for their two beautiful daughters Jade and Rose.

It's an amazing book. I devoured it, and wanted more. The early parts of the book deal with infertility issues, and how once they made the decision to adopt, the process works. It talks in great detail about the questioning they endured as part of their home visits and is sometimes critical of the system. Emily is a journalist for the BBC and her views on international adoption have been bourne out of much travel and personal experiences. She definitely gave me food for thought.

I read so many people's blogs about their adoptions. Mostly from China. Mostly American families. It was lovely to read a story about an English couple and what they faced, because that is after all, what we will face should we go down that route.

My Wonderful Husband

This week has been such a busy one so far. With one car between the two of us, while we still attempt to sort out a new car, and getting the rest of our money from the insurance company, we are spending time going back and forward more than normal.

I've been reading more and more about adoption and trying to maintain some calm at what I read. My weight seems to be the main issue in all of this and I am trying to maintain a very healthy diet while not panicing. That said, I read this week about the lengthly questioning that couples go through as part of the process. It seems to be much more indepth than I had previously thought. Whilst I feel confident about my ability to answer calmly any questions posed to me, I started worrying about G and how he would fare under pressure. Not that we have reached a decision yet on this but G has never really blossomed in the kind of environment where he feels under scruntiny.

We discussed it in bed one night this week. I laid it on thick about the questions they may ask, the time that it may take, and the stress he may feel. I was sad at the thought of another hurdle, but pleased after a discussion in the car earlier where he had said how much he was considering it. When asked that night,  if he could do it, put up with the questioning, remain calm, not feel like it was prying and too much, he simply replied "I'll do anything I have to, to make you happy."

Tears fell like rain.