Been a while since I posted properly... been in a weird state of mind lately, feeling abit at a loss to know what to do in life. I'm hoping things are changing now.
Sitting watching the Biggest Loser Australia tonight feeling some determination to make changes in my life! I've been to Aqua Aerobics today, this morning, to our local outdoor pool! I am making an effort.
My mum who is the most supportive person in my life cannot understand why the lure of having a baby or adopting a baby isnt enough to make me lose my weight. I'm trying to understand it myself. I think I'm coming to realise that the fear factor is having the reverse effect and making me want to bury my head in the sand. Maybe I don't think I really deserve it. Maybe I am just lazy. I'm being brutally honest here about myself. G equally cannot understand it. He thinks it should be easy but then thats a fitness freak for you.
The slight change in weather here is making me feel like maybe its more possible.. we have been eating salads for dinner with salmon or chicken. I struggle most of the time to know what to cook. I'm a big bread/wrap lover... and we do probably have a few too many meals around them... mexican fajitas etc... but I don't fry, we rarely eat potatoes, we have pasta but with lots of veg and some meat to make sure its not all pasta... I wonder where I go wrong. Yeah I admit I have a sweet tooth, but I don't eat tons of chocolate etc.
I think for me, it has to be exercise and this is a huge problem for me. When my nephew was younger he stood on the small of my back, we were laying playing cars, and since then, I have suffered with back pain. It's in the area where my bum meets my back. This means literally when walking I feel like I need to snap myself in half after just 5 minutes. It's only recently I have realised how bad this is, and how little exercise I actually do. It's all too easy to get in the car.
Watching the Biggest Loser, if we were doing it in the UK now, I would actually apply. I need to be kicked into shape. How do I do this though? I think I've probably posted before about my experiences of the gym. I can't put myself through the experience of being stared at and being commented on by grown women and men again. It sets me back too much. I've spent whole evenings sobbing after it.
I'm just putting my thoughts out there right now... giving this some consideration. I have been referred to the hospital for potential surgery. I'm not sure how possible this is, or even if I want it. It's a big thing to have done.
There is so much to consider and do. Do I try Weightwatchers yet again? A more drastic liquid diet approach... or what??
For now though I need to focus on tomorrow, when for the first time, I will be meeting my stepdaughter. Totally weird to me, and not at all sure how I will react... or how she will. Wish me luck! I think I'm going to need it!
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Good luck! I wish I had some advice for you, but the only way I've ever successfully lost weight is by being very, very ill. The sense of urgency method doesn't work for me either.
ReplyDeleteThanks... it's nice to feel not so alone in that.. Its so easy from the outside to say well just do it. Appreciate your comment x
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the weight issue so much.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the things that is truly "freezing" actually is the fear that you will fail to loose weight and the fear that if you don't loose weight then you will never have a child. People think it should motivate you but in reality the fear of failure and the stress of that is very blocking.
Maybe we should see if we can team up in some way and help cheer each other on to a healthy weight. xxx
You are so right. Thats what it is.. I am frozen, paralysed by the fear that it won't happen for us, I know it's illogical but I can't help it. I really don't know what to do for the best anymore. I feel like I've hit a wall after struggling my whole life with this.
ReplyDeletefor some reason knowing that I "need" to lose weight has never worked for me either, in fact it is usually a sure fire way for me to gain weight.
ReplyDeleteI also have a problem with pain when I exersize it is not just getting sore after a work out but acute pain in my joints and muscles so I take medicine for that but guess what the side effect is, yup gaining weight. Sometimes you feel that you can't win but I try to make healthy choices and remain as active as I can. Water is a great place to start if you have pain issues because it is low impact, so hang in there you are headed in the right direction.